what not to wear gives me teary eyes... *sniff*

don't get me wrong, i like what i wear, and i would HATE it if i get chosen to be in this show and all my homemade crochet clothing get taken away.

and no, the stylish clothing on the show doesn't make me feel bad about what i wear. (though after watching the show i started to entertain the idea of plucking my eyebrows, of attempting to polish my overall appearance for a job interview. then i gave up the idea because i don't own tweezers, and it would be too much of a bother to get one. if they want to hire me, it means that they like me enough to hire me with the misshapen eyebrows. they didn't hire me. i don't blame it on my eyebrows. anyhow, i digress.)

i actually get up from the couch to do house chores while they talk about the clothing. so i miss most of the talk about what makes you look thinner/taller/hipper/younger etc.

the parts that i love most normally happens in the end. i also like the beginning of the show because it's usually quite funny the way they make fun of people's clothing - i know it's kind of mean, but it looks like the contributor (as they call the people on the show) either agree, find their witty mean remarks funny, or at least don't mind their witty mean remarks. but i don't like the show because of the witty mean remarks. i do enjoy them, however.

it is in the end that i often get teary-eyed. just the sheer joy the hosts express in their body language, when the contributor walks out not only looking more fashionable, but most importantly, more confident, happier with him/herself. i do say to myself, "these people really do care!" of course, this is a show, a reality show, supposed to show true feelings and whatnot, but i do believe that stacy and clinton really do care about the well-being of the people they help. and they are truly, genuinely happy for the people who're happy about themselves after the process.

anyways, it's just touching to see a human being cares so much about another human being, instead of seeing one human being attacking another human being, literally, emotionally, or intellectually.

it's just simply nice to see people genuinely caring about one another.

brush it off, brush it off, disappointments, insults, thoughtlessness and whatnot, "don't think anything of it," says aubrey the assistant manager. he was referring to making a drink wrong, but i was truly touched by his support, and thought this applies to the here and now, and the future disappointments, insults, thoughtlessness and whatnot.

maybe i shouldn't expect anything of people i expected to be more sensitive, caring, understanding. then i wouldn't judge. i don't like to judge. there's so much guilt in the aftermath of my judging. almost unbearable, inescapable. and i don't like to be judged, or i don't like to think that i'm being judged, or perceived negatively, whether i'm really being judged or perceived negatively or not.

sometimes it's just confusing. all entangled, knotted, no hope in sight of things being resolved. but they eventually will, as they always do. and there's always this sneaky doubtful thought of, what if this time it doesn't? i guess that's where hope steps in.